What depression do to you....

If someone expresses not being certain about your relationship by saying things like 'Let's take a break, let's go back to being friends for a while, I need time out, I'm not sure about things anymore,' you shall assist them with the gift of your total absence

 That's a person who is still looking for themselves and they're asking for you to become their nurse.


They may have promised loyalty and lifetime with you but when things began to get real suddenly they became scared and they folded.


Many people love the idea of love yet they lack the capacity to deal with the reality of it. And the worst part is that they're unaware of how incapable they are of real love. They have never invested in growing and so they do everything by urges and feelings. You may innocently fall in love with them and although you see the signs of immaturity and lack of growth, you mistake it for 'normal weaknesses.' 


Severe insecurities and inability to trust you. Constant self doubts and bouts of anxiety about the future. Possessiveness and irrational control over you. Emotional outbursts and losing themselves in front of respectable friends. 


You started babysitting them mistaking it for 'supporting their growth.' In the meantime you felt more and more burdened by their immaturity.


In reality you were attempting an impossible task. This person has never subjected themselves to growth and time is gone now. They have arrived to adulthood while still a child emotionally and socially. 


Just look back at the kind of 'school of hard knocks' you subjected yourself to for the past ten years or so, to become who you are today. You walked on a tight rope financially while channeling every coin you got towards acquiring knowledge. You swallowed painful feedback from teachers and 'classmates' and worked on yourself. You swallowed your pride and faced your ugly sides, and you sat with yourself doing painful 'sandpaper' exercises on those rough edges. 


You too used to have uncontrollable anger, but not anymore. You too used to crush on every Tom, Dick and Harry, but you worked past that. You too was once full of self doubts and suspicions towards everyone who liked you, but you learnt past that. You too was once obsessed with being liked, but you grew in self love and self esteem. So what makes you think someone who ran away from this School of Becoming can suddenly become a mature and balanced person? 


 If you find someone who, despite being your age mate, is still stuck ten years back in this infancy phase, do you think you can just 'love them' out of it?


Once more, growth is not negotiable. Some people are running away from love because they refused to grow and become suitable for it. Their inconsistency is deeply rooted and you should accept it without feeling personally rejected. It's their journey, not yours. 


There's hope for them of course, but it involves repeating the classeses thet skipped, and not everyone is ready for that uncomfortable journey. 


Maxwell Onyango

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