LETTER TO MY LANDLORD

Dear Able Landlord, It's me victor, the tenant you gave double quit notice the other day. I don finally pack. Yes! I pack today. But e get small confessions wey I wan yarn you laidis:

1. Ireti your daughter don get belle! Yes you read that right, and na me give am belle... no vex!. The way e happen sef I no fit explain, e even shock her sef... we no plan am like dis. You be my fellow man and I hope you understand say na accidental discharge... e fit happen to anybody, but I promise say e no go happen again. I for like be ur son-in-law but you're a bad man. Yes!

2. Bingo your dog no lost, na chop we chop am!
I know say dis one go shock you pass bcoz we follow you search for am. No be only me chop bingo, we dey three. Me, your caretaker and one other hausa man. Oga LandLord, bingo sweet die!... I use am cook soup, cook rice, cook stew, even use am cook beans. Omo! the dog get natural oil for body... And i know say you go dey plan to lay curse on me, the curse no go work, bcoz I pray before I chop am. I know say I bad, but you see that your caretaker? na evil man. Him get liver collect the lion share despite say na me bring up the idea... can you imagine?

3. Oga Landlord, I know say when you
return from your journey you go dey find your keke. The thing be say I sell am dis morning. Money bin no too dey my hand and I suppose settle one or two agent for this new compound I wan park into, no too reason am.

The iron condemn man bin dey price am 25k but I say nooo. How I go sell Keke wey still dey in good condition for 25k? e no good na.

So Las Las I come add ur wheelbarrow make everything be round figure. So the iron condemn man come later pay me 30k for everything. Na the money I use transport myself, and na from there I go take cook soup when I reach.

I drop 2k under your door mat, so when you come you carry am hold body. E no good say I sell your property without dropping something, my conscience no go allow me rest.
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