The turmoil part 5
I was really confused and sinking into toxic stress. Tony had become a totally different person that I couldn't understand anymore. I wished he could just talk to me and make me understand what was really going on and solve it together.
I felt great pain when he walked out of me. I couldn't imagine that it was the same Tony I knew as caring and loving. I couldn't hold back my tears as I watched him walking away.
I was wondering how I was to be blamed for having twins and how I could have controlled who comes out first. It was really weighing me down.
I decided to call mom and inform her about what was going on but my brother picked the call when I called. I asked him where mom was and he told me that he had gone for fellowship and she forgot the phone in the house.
I told him to inform me when mom gets back.
I was feeling a lot of pressure and I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't hold it to myself. I was thinking whom to call since my mom was not available when Tony's brother called me.
I told him that I was already in the house and the babies were okay since he asked me about them. I also told him how Tony had changed and it was really worrying me.
He told me that someone was coming to take care of me. I didn't ask much about that someone and I just said okay because I really needed someone to take care of me and my babies at least for some months.
I asked him whether he knows why Tony was behaving that way and he told me that it wasn't that easy for him.
"But why?" I asked him shockingly.
Give him time to calm down and then he will explain things to you slowly. I couldn't take it anymore. I demanded that they tell me what was really going on or I pack my things and go back to my mom's house.
He begged me to just stay calm and he promised that he will visit soon and we will have a talk about the whole issue which I agreed.
In the evening, as I was sitting on the couch and my mind going through a cycle of thoughts, I heard a knock. I walked slowly to open the door.
Tony had not yet come back and I thought maybe it was him. I opened the door but I saw a lady standing on the door holding a bag.
Before I said anything to her, she talked to me, " good evening. You must be Milly," she said while stretching her hand for a handshake.
"I am Monnie" she added.
A thought told me that maybe she was the helper Tony's brother Jack, was referring to but I couldn't just assume that she was the one.
"I am Milly. How may I help you?" I asked her.
"Jack has sent me here. He told me that he had already informed you about me" she replied.
"Yes, he informed me. Come on in" I said to her.
I wanted to know more about her but I gave her time to refresh first. I went back to the bedroom and I decided to call Tony to know where he was and ask him whether he knew anything about Monnie.
He picked the call and I was shocked to hear a drank person answer back. At first, I thought that someone else had his phone but I was wrong. It was him.
"Tony, since when did you started drinking? Why are you doing this?" I asked him bitterly. I couldn't imagine Tony and alcohol in the same sentence.
"Where are you now? Are you coming?" I asked him. I was already worried about him but the big problem was him avoiding me. We could have talked and looked for a healthy solution even if it was letting him go though it wasn't easy.
"No Milly. I am not coming. I don't want to hurt you and your babies" Tony saif and cut the call.
"To hurt me and my babies? Are they my babies now and not our babies? Tony you are really a coward!" I said silently.
"What's really going on? Can't he face the issue as a mature person? Why is he behaving like a coward and trying to run away from me? Why is he not open to me as before?" a lot was going on my mind.
I was wondering why nobody was ready to tell me what was really going on and make me understand where exactly I went wrong.
"What happens to the barren if this is happening to me after giving birth to twins? Maybe the barren face a death sentence..." I thought.
It was a sad state.
As I was about to sleep, mom called me and I told her what I was going through. It was really confusing and she said that she will look for time and come over to my place for a one on one talk. I also wanted her advice on naming the babies since I was in great confusion.
After two days, it was this evening after dinner that Monnie approached me with some news that were really surprising and it left me wondering who she really was.
She knew Jack and Tony very well. In fact, she knew that family very well but she was not from their tribe.
I was interested to know more about her and from her.
It was clearly that she had discussed about my issue with Jack and she helped me to understand what exactly was 'eating' the other.
Like I had heard earlier from Tony's traditions that having a girl as the first born was a bad sign, Monnie mentioned about it too. I thought that I was safe because I had a son already but I was wrong.
"Also, having twins as the first born is a bad omen and they don't accept them as part of the family. They are a bad omen" she added.
It was really shocking and unbelievable!
She said that on my case, it was a double tragedy since I gave birth to twins and also, the girl came first. She said that there were sacrifices that Tony was required to do to cleanse himself from the tragedies.
I sighed in confusion.
"But how am I to be blamed for all it?" I asked her in a frightening voice.
"Its not about you but that's how their beliefs are. That's how they know whether a marriage is blessed or not" she added.
"Does is it mean my marriage is cursed?" I mumbled enough for her to hear but she said nothing. She seemed to know what exactly would happen to me because she seemed to be at ease as we discussed about the issue.
I was wondering which world I was living in and whether people should keep such evil beliefs. I deeply felt that the kids are innocent and shouldn't suffer because of such beliefs.
"What did I get myself to? Why did I ignore the red flags?" I was regretting getting married to a different tribe. I was paying the cost dearly.
I never thought our love with Tony would end. I thought that love overcomes all odds and evils but it proved to be a different thing on my case. I began to question what was between me and Tony. "Was it really love?"
I thought nothing would separate us but I was wrong. The beautiful marriage I had been longing for started to became sour.
I loved Tony with all my heart and everything I had and it wasn't easy to accept that I was losing him just because of some beliefs and traditions.
I wished I could change things. I wished we could just ran away from the beliefs and move to a different world where we will live freely.
As the saying goes, you can outrun what is running after you but not what is running in you.
We were stuck in beliefs and traditions!
"Why is this happening to me?"
"God why?"
MILLY MUCHAI
