I hope this time you'll be more focused on where you're going than on who is not coming. You did not crawl through the shards of your past pains only to get stuck in a mediocre life because you want to be with someone. The greatest threat to getting to your destination is not your abilities but your associations. People are always either thrusting you forward or holding you back and you must discern the direction every relationship is taking you. Many have forfeited the path to their fulfilment and actualization by ignoring this critical question and instead riding on how it feels to be around that person. Feelings alone cannot think and your destiny isca fragile thing. You ignore it while making your determinant decisions and it withers.

Remember all you have to do to get what's meant for you is to be you. If you look back and realise you've not been yourself for a while just check what you've trying to fit into your life. If you've been unstable and triggered and anxious, if you've felt diminished and unsure and you had to fight for acknowledgement, whatever it was you were rubbing after is not meant for you. Granted, even what's meant for you will require work but that's very different from struggle. Work means investing effort to grow what's aligned with you and seated properly in your life. Struggle means spending enormous effort to remain in spaces that are uncomfortable and detrimental for your well-being, primarily because there are moments of pleasure there or you're too afraid of not being in anything. You'd rather be in a bad fit instead of being by yourself and so the root of your problem is within you.

Again, things that are meant for you will never reuire you to act in ways that feel foreign to you.

MARRY A MAN WITH COMMON SENSE.
1: Marry a man that has sense enough to know that paying your bride price is not equal to buying you.

2: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that marrying you is not doing you a favour.

3: Marry a man that has sense enough to know that you pose to have cramps and mood swings during your monthly circle, and shouldn't use it against you.

4: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that as a woman you also have a right to say "NO" to sex at times and if he must have his way he should at least try to make you happy and put you in the mood.

5: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that after childbirth you are posed to have stretch marks, big stomach, sag boobs and not too good shape, and he shouldn't because of that compare you to a sweet 16, your sag boobs or stretch marks is a sign of motherhood. (Although you can work it out and be back to shape which is proper.)

6: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that there are times you are just too tired to cook, and him taking you to the eatery to eat dinner or him fixing the meal that day to save you the stress is not a taboo.

7: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that you have a right to voice out your frustration, a right to agree and disagree, a right to air your opinions.

8: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that you deserve to hear "sorry" from him and he's obliged to plead and ask for forgiveness when he errs and not use his headship as a means to escape saying "sorry"

9: Marry a man who has sense enough to know that hitting a lady is a crime against humanity.

10: Marry a man who loves your soul not just your body, marry a man who enjoys talking to you even without touching your body, not someone who cannot talk to you without touching you. May you not miss it in marriage

You should refuse to allow someone who doesn't exist anymore in your life to control you with what they said once upon a time. Old echoes die hard, but they do die. (Dr Glenn Doyle) It's unfortunate to have to wrestle the ghosts of accusatory voices in our heads, voices that were thrown at us by lovers or parents and they became an automatic voice withing. Self talk is very powerful in self determination, but if your self talk is contaminated you must purify it first. Otherwise it will persuade you out of the best opportunities of your life. It will make you run away from good lovers because you cannot believe they see so much in you; it will convince you to turn down good jobs because you're not sure you'll measure up.

It's a fact that excessive criticism by people we value soon becomes our own internal critic. The solution is to be proactive and protect yourself speedily by chucking out of any relationship where you're constantly being put down before that voice gets planted inside of you. And if you have such a voice inside already, better to seek corrective psychological surgery, or counter-conditioning to replace the inner critic with your own native voice. The voice of self belief and self love, the voice of hope and assurance in your own worth.

Nobody trashes your name with as much ferocity like someone who is afraid you'll tell people the truth. This is why after breakup from a narcissist they launch a campaign of destroying your name and you're confused because you thought the fight was over. But they know they're a fraud and if you speak up you'll destroy their facade. So they smear your name with lies to stop you from exposing them with your truth. Remember they have am advantage in having all the time to fight while you have a life to build and a conscience to behave humanely. The solution is often either to stand firm and let those who know you stick by you and the others to believe what they want to believe or better still, to change community and vacate the narcissist's world. Whatever you have to do, remember you're fighting for your dear life and when it's a matter of life and death, nothing is too much. Migrate to overseas if you need to; rebrand your social media and personal contacts and address; change careers; anything. Only do not wait for the approval of people who only half understand the diabolical nature of the narcissist.